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Children's View of Love and Marriage
What Exactly Is Marriage?
"Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and
don't have to give her back to her parents"
-Eric, AGE 6
"When somebody's been dating for a while, the
boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, 'I'll
take you for a whole life, or at least until we have
kids and get divorced, but you got to do one particular
thing for me.' Then she says yes, but she's wondering
what the thing is and whether it's naughty or not.
She can't wait to find out."
-Anita, AGE 9
How Does a Person Decide Whom to marry?
"You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay
with him and tails means you try the next one."
-Kelly, AGE 9
"My mother says to look for a man who is kind....That's
what I'll do....I'll find somebody who's kinda tall
and handsome."
-Carolyn, AGE 8
Concerning the Proper Age to Get Married.
"Eighty-four Because at that age, you don't
have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time
loving each other in your bedroom."
-Carolyn, AGE 8
"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going
to find me a wife"
-Bert, AGE 5
How Did Your Mom and Dad Meet?
"They were at a dance party at a friend's house.
Then they went for a drive, but their car broke down...It
was a good thing, because it gave them a chance to
find out about their values."
-Lottie, AGE 9
"My father was doing some strange chores for
my mother. They won't tell me what kind."
-Jeremy, AGE 8
What Do Most People Do on a Date?
"On the first date, they just tell each other
lies, and that usually gets them interested enough
to go for a second date."
-Martin, AGE 10
"Many daters just eat pork chops and french
fries and talk about love."
-Craig, AGE 9
When Is It Okay to Kiss Someone?
"You should never kiss a girl unless you have
enough bucks to buy her a ring and her own VCR, 'cause
she'll want to have videos of the wedding."
-Allan, AGE 10
"Never kiss in front of other people. It's a
big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you....If nobody
sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome
boy, but just for a few hours."
-Kally, AGE 9
The Great Debate: Is It Better to Be Single or Married?
"You should ask the people who read Cosmopolitan"
-Kirsten, AGE 10
"It's better for girls to be single but not
for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them"
-Anita, AGE 9
"It gives me a headache to think about that
stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble."
-Will, AGE 7
Strange/Stupid Sex Laws in the U.S.
*In the quiet town of Connorsville, Wisconsin, it's
illegal for a man to shoot off a gun when his female
partner has an orgasm.
*It's against the law in Willowdale, Oregon, for
a husband to curse during sex.
*In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make
love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.
*No man is allowed to make love to his wife with
the smell of garlic, onions or sardines on his breath
in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests,
law mandates that he must brush his teeth.
*Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa,
he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of
beer while lying in bed with you, or holding you in
his arms.
*Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual
activity between members of the opposite sex in the
front yard of a home after sundown - if they're nude.
(Apparently, if you wear socks, you're safe from the
law!)
*In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room
is required to have twin beds. And the beds must always
be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents
a room for only one night. And it's illegal to make
love on the floor between the beds!
*The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska,
is required to provide each guest with a clean and
pressed nightshirt. No couple, even if they are married,
may sleep together in the nude. Nor may they have
sex unless they are wearing one of these clean, white
cotton nightshirts.
*An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically
bans couples from having sex while standing inside
a store's walk-in meat freezer!
*A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors
should be called master, not mister, when addressed
by their female counterparts.
*In Norfolk, Virginia, a woman can't go out without
wearing a corset. (There was a civil-service job --
for men only -- called a corset inspector.)
*However, in Merryville, Missouri, women are prohibited
from wearing corsets because "the privilege of
admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young
woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded
American male."
*It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene,
Idaho. Police officers aren't allowed to walk up and
knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks
that sex is taking place must drive up from behind,
honk his horn three times and wait approximately two
minutes before getting out of his car in investigate.
*Another law in Helena, Montana, mandates that a
woman can't dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless
she has on at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing.
*Lovers in Liberty Corner, New Jersey, should avoid
satisfying their lustful urges in a parked car. If
the horn accidentally sounds while they are frolicking
behind the wheel, the couple can face a jail term.
*In Carlsbad, New Mexico, it's legal for couples
to have sex in a parked vehicle during their lunch
break from work, as long as the car or van has drawn
curtains to stop strangers from peeking in.
*A Florida sex law: If you're a single, divorced
or widowed woman, you can't parachute on Sunday afternoons.
*Women aren't allowed to wear patent-leather shoes
in Cleveland, Ohio - a man might see the reflection
of something "he oughtn't!"
*No woman may have sex with a man while riding in
an ambulance within the boundaries of Tremonton, Utah.
If caught, the woman can be charged with a sexual
misdemeanor and "her name is to be published
in the local newspaper." The man isn't charged
nor is his name revealed!
Who Wears the Pants?
A Young couple, just married, were in their
honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they undressed
for bed, the husband, who was a big burly man, tossed
his pants to his bride and said," here put these
on." She put them on and the waist was twice
the size of her body. "I can't wear your pants,
she said." "That's Right!!" , said
the husband, "and don't you forget it."
"I'm the man who wears the pants in this family!"
With that she flipped him her panties and said,"try
these on." He tried them on and found he could
only get them on as far as his kneecap. He said, "hell,
I can't get into your panties!" She said, "that's
right, and that's the way it's going to be until your
goddamn attitude changes!"
10 Merry Accounts of the Experience of Marriage
1. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant
with friends. You order what you want, then when you
see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered
that.
2. At the cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the
wrong finger. The other replied, "Yes I am, I
married the wrong man."
3. After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You
know, I was a fool when I married you." She replied,
"Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
4. A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband
wanted. "Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
5. A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how
much does it cost to get married?" And the father
replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
6. Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
7. If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict
attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
8. First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
9. How do you scare a man? Sneak up behind him and
start throwing rice.
10. What makes men chase women they have no intention
of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars
they have no intention of driving.
Marriage Qutes
It doesn't much signify whom one marries, for one
is sure to find out next morning it was someone else.
-- Rogers
If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry. --
Chekhov
The most happy marriage I can picture would be the
union of a deaf man to a blind woman. -- Coleridge
Were it not for imagination, sir, a man would be
as happy in the arms of a chambermaid as a duchess.
-- Dr. Johnson
If a man hears much that a woman says, she is not
beautiful. -- Haskins
A man does not look behind the door unless he has
stood there himself. -- Du Bois
A lover tries to stand in well with the pet dog of
the house. -- Moliere
Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a
confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished.
-- Goethe
In matrimony, to hesitate is sometimes to be saved.
-- Butler
A woman may very well form a friendship with a man,
but for this to endure, it must be assisted by a little
physical antipathy. -- Nietzsche
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us
from achieving them. -- Dumas
Nature has given women so much power that the law
has very wisely given them little. -- Dr. Johnson
The great question... which I have not been able
to answer... is, "What does a woman want? --
Freud
Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside
desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to
get out. -- Montaigne
For a male and female to live continuously together
is... biologically speaking, an extremely unnatural
condition. -- Robert Briffault
Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your
life paying for it. -- Baskins
A wedding is a funeral where a man smells his own
flowers.
A man is not complete until he is married -- then
he is finished.
Marriage is the sole cause of divorce.
Marriage is a trip between Niagra Falls and Reno.
Marriage is an institution -- but who wants to live
in one?
Marriage is the process of finding out what kind
of person your spouse would have really preferred.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence.
The Lighter Side of Marriage
-Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence (a life
sentence!).
-Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet
music is over, the strings are attached.
-Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore,marriage
is an institution for the blind.
-Marriage is an institution in which a man loses
his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.
-Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's
finger and two under the man's eyes.
-Marriage certificate is just another word for a
work permit.
-Marriage is not just a having a wife, but also worries
inherited forever.
-Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "RINGS"
:
* The Engagement Ring
* The Wedding Ring
* The Suffe-Ring
* The Endu-Ring
-Married life is full of excitement and frustration:
* In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and
the woman listens.
* In the second year, the woman speaks and the man
listens.
* In the third year, they BOTH speak and the NEIGHBORS
listen.
-It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely
an eye-opener.
-Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant
with friends. You order what you want, and when you
see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered
that.
-It's true that all men are born free and equal,
but some of them get MARRIED!
-There was this man who muttered a few words in the
church and found himself married. A year later he
muttered something in his sleep and found himself
divorced.
-A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking;
the husband gives and the wife takes.
-Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.
Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China,
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries.
Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!
-There was a man who said, "I never knew what
happiness was until I got married...and then it was
too late!"
-Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the
alarm clock.
-They say when a man holds a woman's hand before
marriage, it is love; after marriage, it is self-defense.
-When a newly married man looks happy, we know why.
But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder
why.
-There was this lover who said that he would go through
hell for her. They got married, and now he is going
through HELL.
SO ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO GO THROUGH IT? :)
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